Silence

They say you never understand the meaning of silence until you visit the North Pole on a clear day with no wind. 

We are accustomed to such a high level of noise pollution that I sometimes think we are incapable of noticing or feeling even a fraction of the information we receive.

In my opinion, a good conversation starts with silence (presence). We should be able to perceive what the other person is trying to tell us by first creating a space in which we don’t have to yell to understand each other, cutting out as much interference and noise as possible so we can begin to share our thoughts. That's why, in terms of partner dancing, getting in sync with each other through the beat is fundamental in order to establish this silence, which in turn enables us to (1) start the conversation in a tone of voice that is suitable for what we want to say and (2) hear what the other person has to say clearly.

Sometimes we see silence as a void instead of the initial state of presence that enables us to connect to our surroundings, the person we are with and even ourselves in a simple and harmonious way. Martial arts, yoga, meditation—each of these disciplines requires a state of presence, balance and silence, among others.

Partner dancing is no different as far as I’m concerned, but when we maintain two distinct roles – a leader who leads the conversation and a follower who follows it – that silence is lost. The one leading the conversation establishes a starting point that requires the follower to be attentive to what is being said and to speak louder if they want to intervene to say something the leader wasn’t expecting. 

This brings us to the following questions:

- Are we leaders capable of listening to the same degree that followers are? 

- Are we as open to followers changing the conversation as we think, or are we merely being optimistic? 

- When they make changes, do we feel that they are backleading? 

- Followers, have you ever felt you had to yell in order to be heard? 

- Have you given up trying to express what you think or feel because you think it's wrong or that you don't have the right to? 

- Do you ever feel like you don't know how to make changes to the conversation without breaking the flow?

Could it be that we have gotten so used to speaking loudly that we don't realize we’re yelling at each other? Or that we mistakenly believe someone isn't speaking clearly when they are merely speaking softly? It's all obviously a question of individual perception and capacities, but let's imagine for a moment that there was a world of sensations to discover, that we had the tools to discover it, and that one of those tools was silence. What would happen if we saw silence as the space to start a good conversation instead of just a void? Wouldn't it would be worth a try?